May. 25th, 2012

Sinking In

May. 25th, 2012 12:31 am
meccahi: (Default)
Still dealing. I'm grateful to my friends, and their love and support. 

Not a whole lot of people know the full extent of everything. I haven't explained it to them..and I probably won't. I've been getting questions.. but.. What can I tell them? We weren't in a fully committed relationship. Yes... we were lovers. Yes, we've been seeing each other for about a year or so off and on.  It's too much to explain.  

My mind can't grasp the concept of him doing something so terrible. 

All I keep thinking about is how he tried so hard, when he treat me well. How he gave me the best Valentine's day of my life. 

He drove me crazy. We weren't going to last forever... but the Landis I knew was a good person. And it's still sinking in that I'm never going to see him again.  

I can't live back in Arizona any more. There are too many memories tied to the house. To my room. To my bed.  To everything that's gone on there for the past few years. I can't do it. 

I have no idea how I'm going to manage it.. but I want to stay here, in Georgia. I need to find a place. Get it set up for the cats, and myself. I need this to happen now, more than ever before. More than anything. There is nothing left in Arizona any more except a couple of friends, my parents, and terrible memories. 

March 2014


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