meccahi | Recent Entries

I worked something like 14 hours yesterday..and feel like I got jack squat done. Stuff was made.. but not nearly enough for the time that I put in.

It was early morning. I'd been up all night, and been awake for a good 18 hours at least.. when I felt the tug. That indefinable pull. Like a Siren's call, it's something that I think a lot of artists get. Something that lures us, taunts us. It's the Muse that titters and says " I can lead you to glorious things.. or I could just be fucking with your head. Wanna find out?" and dances off.

I felt her this morning. Calling me insistently to come outside and explore the back woods. I've never gone beyond the collapsed fence in my back yard, even though I know that technically my property extends well beyond that. I've got over an acre and a third here.

Since it's been an endless Winter, and the trees haven't started their annual re-clothing themselves with leaves, I've noticed something glinting in the distance. Not very far... maybe a 10 minute walk at that. It looked like a pond.

The Muse insisted we head there. Find out what this was all about. So, it being very early, and me being susceptible in my sleep deprived state.. I grabbed my camera, and I obeyed.

I found out that my back forest is really quite that. Straight up dense forest that is almost impenetrable in some parts. Filled with angry brambles and clinging sticky vines. They do NOT want you to pass, and let you know by snagging every spare bit of clothing and flesh. I now look like I have been mauled by a herd of angry kittens.

I could see that something was out there though. And it wasn't a small pond like I thought.

It took a few more minutes of plundering, and stumbling, and shoving my way though the forest and weeds.. but I finally came out onto a clearing.

And it was a lake. A full lake. Surrounded by nothing but forest and rushes and grass.... but that wasn't what caught me.

It was this.

tree1

This glorious, beautiful, fantastic tree. This was what the Muse wanted me to see. I'm glad she did.

I have no idea whose property I wandered on to. I know it can't all be attached to my house.. but it doesn't look like anyone goes there. At least not recently. I'm going to be cautious though. There are "No Hunting" signs around, but I don't trust a sign to stop people from being idiots.. and this is prime hunting area.

It's beautiful though. This hidden world. 10 minutes walk from my backyard.

These are reasons why I still love my Georgia home.

I'm not sure what's more sad.. The fact that roommate is getting laid way more often than I am ( or, well let's be honest..at all).

Or the fact that it apparently took him 5 minutes to get his one n' done.

An enormous fox ran across the road right in front of me tonight.. He got me all sketchy..

I just had to ban someone from my Facebook World in Chains page because they kept on spamming it with links to THEIR chainmail site. I don't care if you're in bumblefuck Missouri, or in far off Norway. That's rude.

Manners people!

Huh. I've noticed that I am about a million times happier right now, with my roommate gone. I've been far more productive, and feeling much more relaxed and creative. That's a pretty good sign that I need to get on it with finding MY home.

I'm supposed to be heading off to a housewarming party, that will include lots of Germans. This is, for many reasons, hilarious in my brain. Eli and her German husband Frank are finally moved in to their gorgeous apartment, in one of the coolest buildings I've seen around in Atlanta. The Telephone Factory lofts..which is, in fact, an old telephone factory, that they have mostly left untouched.. cracking paint, industrial columns, open ceiling.. but they've also added some really elegant touches, and the lofts themselves are huge, with enormous windows. Absolutely stunning.. I'm hoping I can take a few pictures tonight while I'm there.

But the main point of this rambling.. is that I played in the kitchen tonight. The kitchen that now looks like a sugar cracked ferret exploded all over it. But.. the end result is this... my first attempt at playing with royal icing and lettering.

It's a bit crude... but what the hell... it was my first attempt. Also, Tardis blue is ridiculously hard to get right. I managed to make an entire bowl of grey icing. GREY. I don't even know.

I should get on with that gettin' ready thing.

I took a nap this afternoon, because I had stayed up all night sketching, then had to get up early to make sure that I was ready for a customer, who was stopping by the house to pick up her custom pieces. Huge order from DragonCon that took ages to finish ( full scalemail skirt, full scalemail mantle, and a scalemail headband). She was my first $1K order of my life..and absolutely a sweetheart. Patient to the max, when I told her that I had gone through two moves, plus having to stock my shows, plus actually DOING the shows.. so she knew the piece was going to take a few months. Anyways.. she loved them. But afterwards, I was exhausted. So..nap time.

Woke up from the nap to find that I had sold approximately $250 worth of stuff on Etsy. Felt like I should apparently take more naps if that's what happens.

Then I heard the total number of deaths from the CT shooting. I can't even be heartbroken, it's so terrible. All I can do is be numb, and pray for the families.

Of course it made me think of Landis..and his situation. He was an unmedicated for his depression, and bi-polar disorder. He SHOULD have been on medication. He used to be.

There are folks arguing on Facebook ..all manner of ways. Gun control, medication, non-medication.

Sometimes, there are no answers. Sometimes, people just snap.

I just keep hoping that one day, these families will know peace. Hug your loved ones people. Hug them lots.

I'm not sure if it was the caffeine that I drank tonight ( the first in a couple of days...I've cut WAAAYY back on my caffeine consumption in an effort to be thrifty). Or it could be that it's because the roommate is nto here and I don't have to hear anyone being shouty or drunk, or be paranoid about leaving my bedroom and having someone invade my personal space, or be dragged into Drunk Talk.

Either way.. I just spent 5 hours of my night sketching, when I should have been filling out show apps, and finishing up a couple of orders.

But this face would not leave my brain, and I couldn't stop until it was done.

I have ramblings in my head that I need to put down.. but for this moment, I leave you with a regal looking Blitzkrieg. Who still drools worse than a hungry bulldog.

I have no idea how he got there.

I have no idea what KIND he is...

But there is definitely a snake living in a crack in my wall....

Please to be moving now, thanks.

Though I admit he IS an awfully cute roommate.

Make that...*roommates*

I woke up this morning with two tiny snake heads peeking out from the crack. I apparently have a little snake family.

I think my time here in the basement is coming to a close. My tolerance for all of its drawbacks has become small to nil.

We're having one hellacious storm... it's been raining for at least 15 hours...aaaaand.. The basement leaks. Not a little. A lot.

Not to mention I can't get up my driveway because even though I've asked multiple times for it to be re-graveled.. it hasn't been. So it's just a slick, muddy slope for my car to slide on ( with a convenient ditch for it to go into!)

Or the loud, constantly wrestling/barking/ thundering dogs.. or my landlady screaming at her disabled husband. Or the constant invasion of insects that I can't seem to prevent no matter what I do. Or doing my laundry in a barn..Or being 50 miles away from everyone I know.. Or the lack of any kind of kitchen whatsoever. I've been living off of dry goods and fruit while I'm here.

I'm used to roughing it. But the reason I wanted a place was so that I didn't HAVE to rough it.

Unfortunately this comes at a time when I am terribly, terribly broke. Paying off the majority of my debts..plus prepping for Carolina has me teetering towards flat broke again. I hate this cycle. I know this year was a bit of an exception with not only buying the two booths, but also moving across country, plus paying off the debts..plus paying show fees... but I should be doing better than this. Paying that last $2500 bill set me further back than what I had expected.

Must push forward. I know I can get through this. I can survive damned near anything . More things have been listed on Etsy...I'm making more stock tonight for Carolina.. I found a place I can rent for $600 a month, in the area of town that I really want to be in. Now I just hope that it will hold until after the first weekend of show. It means renting for a year. Which I hate the thought of.. but if I find a roommate, it would be comparable in price, and be twice as much space..and have a kitchen!

I'm sending out wishes to the universe at this point..

I'm not going to lie... tonight is not one of my better moments.

I keep on thinking that these waves will pass. That the clawing ache will go away finally, never to be seen round here again in these here parts.

But still it returns.

I wasn't in love. So why this?

Why the longing, and the missing, and the tears.

I try so hard to pull my parts together. To keep this semblance of a human girl intact. But during the night, the cracks keep showing.. keep veining around me.

I feel like a broken record. There's nothing original to say about the whole ordeal. I cared about a boy. He drove me crazy. He was crazy. He killed someone else. He killed himself. The End.

Now I get to pick up the flecks and pieces of the parts of me that keep flaking off. Stick them back together. Make everything stick. Make it look good. Make it look seamless.

Try to move. Try to breeze it off, but everything is stiff. Parts are still tender. Contents may still be under pressure.

I can go days without wincing. Without caring. But then this happens, and it's all too real.

So....I just submitted this shot to the National Geographic Photo Contest

( This is in no way an attempt to distract myself from the fact that I haven't even started production for the Carolina show..or that I need to leave in like..6 hours to head to Maryland for the show there this weekend.)

I. Slack.

So here it is folks... The booth that I purchased at the Carolina show.

That I have no ever-lovin' idea of WHAT to do with.

Ok, that's a lie. I have a few ideas. Some of them might even be feasible for this year. But wow. Talk about your crappy layouts. I have no idea how these people ( who sold "make your own pottery"), ever managed to survive, when the fact that if it ever rained ( and HELLO..this is North Carolina.. they excel at rain!)..they had to in essence, shut down shop. Different strokes for different folk... but I know that is just not an option for me. I already know that I am covering the pergola this year with lattice, and then covering the lattice with plexi-glass so that light will still come in, but my lovely patrons and the lattice, won't get soaked.

I also know that I am ripping out most of the weird little fenced in part. And putting in discreet lights.

I really, really want to rip out that whole fucking front area and just start fresh ( as in, where there are weird windows that could be used as wall display space).. but for this year, I will have to figure out something different. I am technically only allowed to make 15% of changes to the booth this year.

Fuck all that noise. I am making whatever changes I can this year so that I can afford to pay the booth off even faster. I have 4 more payments to go.

So, without further ado..

I really want to pull this fence out.. It's where they put the kiln to fire the pottery... and it is utterly useless for me.

So there it is.... helpful suggestions always welcome!

But if they did...

OUCH.

So, of course I jinxed myself today. Talking about bills and paying things off. Received a call a few hours ago from an agency about a credit card I had way back when I first started the shop. Credit card was very much past due. It was on my " To Be Paid" list for this year.. but I wasn't quite expecting it at this moment.

The good news. Credit card is now paid off. It's done. This should also, in theory, raise my credit score by a bit. Wheee! The other good news is that I actually HAD the money to pay the amount that we settled on.

The bad... I am probably living off of ramen and air for the next few weeks. The amount came to just a little over $2500.00... This means.. no new roof on the Carolina booth. I'll have to figure out some sort of cheap way to make it a shelter from the rain, because I can't count on rain free weekends there..as much as I would like to. This also means waiting a bit before paying end of year taxes. Or anything else. Will have to really push Etsy so I can at least afford to put in my apps for a couple of shows next year, and have money to pay my next installment on the Carolina booth.. Yeeeesh.

I do have a bit of money owed to me for some special orders ( half down, half when piece is finished)... and from the consignment shop in New Orleans.. plus other places where I have money squirreled away.. but still. That was very much Not Expected.

BUT... it will be paid. It will be done. The goal of this year was to move, and to pay off as many of my debts as possible. Despite everything... I'm doing that. Will continue to think positive on this... and pray that people buy chainmail for Christmas.

I just took a look at my shop stats for Etsy..

In the past 30 days I've managed to somehow pull in over $600 in Etsy sales alone.

I'm not even sure how this happened. I know I've had a lot of custom orders and such.. plus the random necklace sale here and there.. but nothing more than $100 at a time.

Still.....

I have no clue how to keep this kind of momentum up. I know how fickle and cyclical Etsy is... but if I could even keep up something close as that average.. Life would be much less stressed, I think.

I'm filling out the app for a Florida show for the spring. Don't know if I'll get in. But if I do, I'm only doing the Ft. Lauderdale one, and not the Miami one... which would give me time to fly back to AZ and see friends and family, before Norman, and Georgia... ( crap... I almost forgot about Norman!).. I really need to make my schedule for next year.

I'm frustrated.

Even though I had a bunch of stuff removed from my credit, and have pretty close to everything paid off, my credit score dropped... by quite a bit. Which was kinda the OPPOSITE of what I'm trying to achieve here. A couple of online financial sources say to wait a couple weeks and that it might bounce back up again...something about buckets and scorecards and comparisons, which made no sense to me and sounded more like they were talking about a soccer match... but I'll wait. There are still a couple of items that I have no idea what they are or why they're on my credit, so I get to Take On The Man, to prove that they're not mine. When my debit card was hacked a couple of years ago, I think that there is a good possibiity that they got more of my personal info than I had thought.

In other news..

I'm in Maryland.

Pretty sure I am not supposed to be here.

Currently crashing in the booth of the girl who I am working for... but, it's her new booth.. so.. she doesn't want me sleeping on the beds here. Which...I guess is fine. I've slept on a floor many a time... But I suppose there is the slightly annoyed part of me that is starting to grumble. There are two beds. I have my own bedding, No one is here during the week. But I am floor sleeping none the less.

But I won't be able to sleep here during the weekend.. she wants the place to herself and her sister in law. I can dig that too. It's a tiny place. But that means I have to play the game of "where do I sleep tonight", for 3 nights. Plus, pretty sure that I won't be able to crash here during the week after this.. And I have no decent place to work on stock... and in the end...I'm feeling that this isn't worth it. I adore her...I really do...but I think I need to focus on my own shop, and that this was probably a mistake. Especially for only $200 a weekend ( which I am actually grateful for, because hello.. any money is better than no money..), but I'm not hurting for it right now. And I MIGHT be hurting my shop by not being able to focus on it. So... Dilemma. I'll figure it out. One way or the other. I don't want to leave her in the lurch... but I can do better than this for myself in the end. And as much as it sucks...sometimes you do have to put yourself first.

I still have a crapton of orders to finish. I should get on that.

One more shot of the shrooms... Real entry coming soon..

Fiiinnnaaallly getting over Con Crud. Ugh. Still have to drive to Maryland... plus finishing up the eleventymillion special orders from DragonCon and GenCon. Will be bringing all of my work stuff with me.

After what seemed like my 33rd nap of the week, I woke up this morning feeling pretty well recovered.

Which of couse meant I went straight out and played in wet, muddy, dew covered fields.

Totally worth it... because I found these, and they could not be resisted...

Still....so much to do...

Landis's mom called me again last night. I do like her... but I honestly don't know what to say to her. I've been feeling pretty ok with things lately. I have a crush on a boy, I'm working a million and one hours, I'm settling in to life here in Georgia... it just feels counter-productive to keep thinking about past events. But I think she needs to talk. Find some connection with people Landis used to know... so I'll keep talking. Keep listening. She sent me some of his things last week...so I at least have some small momentos to hang on to.

I should get on with that gettin' on thing.