Cut and Paste
Dec. 3rd, 2004 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meccahiWell I finally made the decision to cut someone out of my life..
I guess it should come as no surprise to anyone but me that I would choose to do this considering his past actions... but it's still such a strange concept to me because I DO NOT DO THAT.
I can barely get rid of a piece of shabby ripped torn used stained burned and mutilated piece of clothing.. how the hell do I rid myself of a person?
But I have to do it... for my sake... and because he has brought no joy to my life, except for one breif moment.. and that moment was destroyed by a lie...
Yes I am talking about him. The ex. The one who claimed to have such strong feelings for me for over ten years... who tracked me down.. asked me out.. got in my pants.. and then paused and said " well I have a girlfriend... but she's ok with this"
I know, I know, I make stupid stupid decisions. I'm part softie, part sucker what can I say. I get tired of feeling undesired... but that was definately not the solution. He's only brought paranoia and anger and hurt into my life. Fuck that. It's done. I don't need him.. And I mean I really REALLY don't need him.
He wanted to come over last night.. Not to hang out with me.. to see me... but to fuck me. That was all that he wanted.. and he acted like he was going to be doing me some big favor.
I tried the sex without love thing. It doesn't do it for me... Yes I have raging hormones and yes I want to fuck 24-7... but i'd rather be curling up with them afterwards and talking about random thoughts or whatever.. or not talking at all... than be lying in bed alone watching (him) pull his clothes on and saying that he has to go bring food to his girlfriend.
Fucking stupid.
You know one of the things that I miss... that I used to do with someone really special... was to just be hanging around in the same room as them.. and reading... or better doing so in the same bed.. Nothing sexual, but very sensual in its own way. Comfortable. Open.
Rar.
I have more to write.. I'll do so later. My insane cravings for junk food have GOT to stop. I'm actually going to start jogging next week. I must be fucking nuts.
And I'm learning Hawaiian.
And I spent 3 hours last night debating the downfalls of a posthuman society.. and completely overshot my bedtime... It was fun though. Should have more conversations like that again.
Meh.
I guess it should come as no surprise to anyone but me that I would choose to do this considering his past actions... but it's still such a strange concept to me because I DO NOT DO THAT.
I can barely get rid of a piece of shabby ripped torn used stained burned and mutilated piece of clothing.. how the hell do I rid myself of a person?
But I have to do it... for my sake... and because he has brought no joy to my life, except for one breif moment.. and that moment was destroyed by a lie...
Yes I am talking about him. The ex. The one who claimed to have such strong feelings for me for over ten years... who tracked me down.. asked me out.. got in my pants.. and then paused and said " well I have a girlfriend... but she's ok with this"
I know, I know, I make stupid stupid decisions. I'm part softie, part sucker what can I say. I get tired of feeling undesired... but that was definately not the solution. He's only brought paranoia and anger and hurt into my life. Fuck that. It's done. I don't need him.. And I mean I really REALLY don't need him.
He wanted to come over last night.. Not to hang out with me.. to see me... but to fuck me. That was all that he wanted.. and he acted like he was going to be doing me some big favor.
I tried the sex without love thing. It doesn't do it for me... Yes I have raging hormones and yes I want to fuck 24-7... but i'd rather be curling up with them afterwards and talking about random thoughts or whatever.. or not talking at all... than be lying in bed alone watching (him) pull his clothes on and saying that he has to go bring food to his girlfriend.
Fucking stupid.
You know one of the things that I miss... that I used to do with someone really special... was to just be hanging around in the same room as them.. and reading... or better doing so in the same bed.. Nothing sexual, but very sensual in its own way. Comfortable. Open.
Rar.
I have more to write.. I'll do so later. My insane cravings for junk food have GOT to stop. I'm actually going to start jogging next week. I must be fucking nuts.
And I'm learning Hawaiian.
And I spent 3 hours last night debating the downfalls of a posthuman society.. and completely overshot my bedtime... It was fun though. Should have more conversations like that again.
Meh.
