Heartless Pimps of Love

[meccahi]

Wow.

I managed to spectacularly miss my job interview this morning.

I think it is the curse of the Gecko coming into play. I know for certain that I set my alarm. I remember vividly turning it to the "on" position. But alas, it did not ring, and I am henceforth disqualified for the position.

Bummer dude.

To be honest I think it was the universe letting me know that I really didn't want that job. When I called to apologize and see if I could reschedule the Evil Nasty Power Hungy Bitch that I spoke with just said " No. You could have called earlier." in one of the rudest tones ever mastered by human vocal chords. I called as soon as I could, my dear. But whatever. Everyone I've spoken to at that office always sounds like they're on crack anyways.Speakingreallyfastandcan'tyoujusttelluswhatyouwantsowecangetourveryimportant

businessdone?

It's places like that which make me take a step back and reevaluate what I want in life.

I know with all of the certainty in my heart that it is not that.

In good news, I made my first official recording last night.

It rocks.

I am so in love with this program, even if I don't understand 75% of it at the moment.

I can't wait to experiment with more instruments. So far it's just been vocal and guitar tracks. But the tracks that I have recorded sound amazing. Now if I can just figure out how to burn them onto a CD, then I will be in business.

I also made changes to www.worldinchains.com I guess the e-mail address that I had listed for orders was not in service. Not good if I want people to order product from me, no? I also changed the text color for the links since Kristi ( who called last night, yay!) told me that it was hard to see.

Sometimes it's really kinda frustrating being an artisan. I have a hundred projects going on at once, and not one of them really makes for stable cash flow. I'm trying to change that with World In Chains, but that doesn't help me at the moment.

Maybe I could Pimp?

In other news, I'm fighting depression tooth, nail, and cerebellum. I'm thinking it is because of my recent not so happy dreams, and my frustrations with job hunting, and the fact the jobs that I am hunting are jobs that I KNOW will not make me happy, but will make me money, whereas the kind of job that makes me happy either requires long term commitment or just doesn't make money. Blargh. I guess I've also been feeling kind of lonely. All of my friends are on the road right now, and I'm here. I made that choice, and I don't really regret it, but it was one hell of a lonely choice. I keep telling myself to look at what I've done so far. My business may not be thriving, but I HAVE invested more time and effort than ever before. I finally have a website that I'm happy with, I'm finally working on music, MY music. The music of my soul. I'm losing weight and determined to lose SO much more ( I've lost 13lbs so far). I'm making new stock every day, and coming up with new designs, and have inspirations for more. I'm learning, about all sorts of useful things ( website design, music recording techniques, business relations and building contacts,etc). So, I don't have money. That is one small part out of a very large picture.

Then there's that small part of me that wishes she had a partner. At he moment the voice is kind of small, and somewhat distant, because I really really do just want to work on me, and my world, before involving any more characters. But DO sometimes miss having that person that you can talk to, make love to, and depend upon. Don't know why I miss it since I've never actually HAD it.
That's another thing that bothers me. I've never had that. Why? Techincally i've only had like 2 boyfriends in my 11 years of dating life. I'm not ugly, I know this. I have body issues I'll admit, but I think I have a pretty unique personality. I don't think I'm boring( ok sometimes I think I am) I'm....quirky? I guess. I'm thinking quirky just doesn't do it for guys. Plus I'm so fucking picky, but then when i'm NOT picky I find the dumbest, or the most self centered obnoxious person to be with. It's a talent that I apparently have.
Then again it probably is just me.

Eh. I'm going to go work on the website again now.

www.worldinchains.com ! Go!
Heh. See! I'd make a great pimp!

Comments

[stupidfish.livejournal.com]

It's a tough decision most artists seem to face; art or money. The sad fact is that money keeps a person in health and stability so they can create their art. I think it's great that you are working toward getting a job and moving toward your goals. Sometimes I find it difficult to do something I hate without a goal. Getting a regular, boring job will help you get to England and learn to build beautiful instruments. Sometimes a little bit of suffering now helps for great fun later. And your webpage is coming along nicely. :hugs: