meccahi | Pro-duc-tive

Spent the morning writing up resumes and submitting applications to an ass-load of different jobs and online job hunting sites. Wheeeee!

I've figured out ( finally! cause I am a slow monkey).. that my regular "job" is preventing me from moving forward with World In Chains. All the events that I need to vend at are on the weekends.. which is currently impossible as I work weekends. And I, more and more, have come to just hate my job. It's nothing specific... it's just several small things that have been adding up.

I don't like offices.. I never have.. I feel like a faker.. an impostor whenever I am there. It's not where I belong.. and more and more.. it's killing me. It is honest to Gods killing me. I feel like the life is draining out of me and I just don't know who or what I am anymore.. and the muse slips further and further away the longer that I am there. I just can't handle it anymore.. I need out and it needs to be soon. I miss my happiness and I will fight like the stubborn bitch I am to have it back. I know I'm going to have to sacrifice alot to get back to where I need to be.. and I'm ok with that.

I don't want to travel constantly as I did before.. but I want to have maybe 2 or 3 large faires on my list.. and then maybe smaller weekend shows.. craft shows and Cons.

I want my place away from the city.

I want out of Arizona. This place is just more and more a wasteland. Of culture.. of humanity. It's a struggle to find the gems of people who I can connect with. I'm lucky to have found the few that I have.. and I count them as blessings.

Alot of this was brought home after seeing Cirque Du Soleil and seeing Fluffy.. ( who looks AMAZING .. heh.. yay.. I am so,so happy for her..).. and the show was amazing as well.

But I realized how much I MISS being a part of something.. being an element in a creation.. whether it be a show or a piece of art.. or whatever. If i'm not creating SOMETHING I'm miserable.. utterly miserable. Music,art,photography,chainmail.. it doesn't matter.. I just have to be creating something. Where I'm at right now.. I'm creating nothing but apathy.
Emo ranting done..

In other news I'm scheduled to go in and try on contacts for the first time in my life.. and I have to admit I'm really nervous. I'm one of those people who get freaked out if things are near my eyes.. but I really don't want to have to keep wearing glasses all the time. I figure there are millions of people who wear contacts.. it can't be that hard.. but I'm still nervous.

Off for a little bit of WoW before the eyeball torture..